"good morning" i say. you smile, and reply "i like waking up next to you."
i always wake up before you; not only that, but i barely sleep through the night. your bed was very comfortable at first, but isn't quite comfortable anymore in the spot that we broke it - that's the side i always sleep on. after we finish you always get up, put on your clothes and go to the bathroom, wash your face, come back to bed. i put on my underwear and your t-shirt, lay there. wish i had a toothbrush, or even the energy to get up and pee. you kiss my head when you come back, lay close next to me and wrap your arm around my body. sometimes you'll hold my hand. you try to fall asleep, try to share a pillow with me, eventually we give up on that and you roll over and face the other way, find your own space. in the middle of the night we go through this a lot. it doesn't work sleeping right next to one another as much as we'd like it to. i sleep better when i am at home than when i am with you. your pillows are too fluffy. i'm awake at six in the morning, looking at the sun, watching the clock on one of your three computer monitors, waiting for it to reach a time where i can get up and leave. i could leave right when i wake up but i never want to. i should leave right when i wake up. finally you wake up, you come towards me, grab my waist, press your body against mine, touch my hair and move it and start to kiss the back of my neck. i know what you want. i let you touch me a little, i turn towards you and start to touch you too, before you know it we're at it again, and after the deed is done we lay there just as exhausted as last night, naked, looking at one another. i run my fingers over your body while you're still unclothed because you're always so quick to dress, i like to be naked when i can. you get up, put on your clothes, wash your face, go to the kitchen, ask if i want breakfast? and i say no, i have to go, you tell me i'm lying, i'm a bad liar, you say, that i'm just looking for an excuse to get out of there. or you get up, put on your clothes, wash your face, come back to me after i put on my underwear and your t-shirt and sit up on the edge of the bed. you grab my waist and pull me back down into bed. i turn over and look at you. you ask me if i have any plans for today? i try to think of any and can't, i finally say no, you say i usually have an excuse to get out of there, you get up, say you're going to racquetball, tell me i can stay and wait for you to come back if i want. i tell you maybe i'll stay.
i leave. i always leave. and i miss you when i do