Tuesday, October 16, 2012

all things must end

especially this.

i am tired of my anxiety and not being able to enjoy myself when i am with you because i know in my heart you wish i was older just as much as i do. we can't ever have the connection to be a real couple because i am so young.

if you told me i've been looking for an excuse to end things, you're correct, and here it is. you cancelled on me today because you have to work late. i told this to my roommate and she stared at me with a blank face. "...what? that's why you're breaking up with him?"

yes and no. you cancelling on the plans i made gives you the upperhand, for one, which i feel uncomfortable with because at times i feel you already have it. that's why i feign aloofness and am so mean to you, so i have the upperhand, so you have to chase me. but i'm losing it, and as soon as it's gone, you will be as well. you told me yourself that you get bored easily.

i won't be the type of girl who gives you the chance to get bored of me.

currently, the only thing making me think i should stay, is that you wanted to watch the new james bond movie with me when it comes out next month. and when i hear skyfall i won't be able to think of anyone but you.

every woman thinks it would be great to date a man who was in a stupid frat in college and used to be a nationally ranked golfer and comes from a ton of money and makes a lot of his own, who hangs out in lounges in drinks expensive liquor and takes you out to his favourite steak restaurant and knows what you're going to order before you even get the menu. and maybe it would be great to date a man who is all of these things, on the off chance that you find one who is not so arrogant, who doesn't brag about the women he's dated who have bought him BMWs and doesn't belittle the barely-above-minimum-wage work you do and doesn't mind kissing you in public after you've been out on six dates and isn't everything a republican is and wouldn't even think to ask about a threesome, even if he knows he fucked up and changes the subject after he does it anyway.

and even if every time you ask me why i am so adamant that you're a terrible person i can't give you a straight answer, because you do treat me fairly well, it should say enough that i know in my heart you are.

life is about knowing when to walk away...
so goodbye vienn. i'll miss you darling. we had a fun run, but all things must end. especially this. xo

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