it was saturday afternoon. "would you like to grab quick dinner?" you asked. i had been asleep all day, i had been out the night before until maybe 2 am, by myself, it was dangerous. i wish i cared more for my safety. i am a good judge of character. but maybe not, because i didn't realise that you actually liked me.
you told me to meet you at sticky rice, at 8:20. i knew i had to get made up, get dressed, go pick something up from the bookstore and do something for cole, all before 8:20. i got made up and barely dressed and was late. i didn't know what to wear, didn't know what you'd be wearing. i knew it was a casual dinner but i didn't know where you'd be coming from. if you came from work, you'd be wearing your suit again, i wanted to look good next to you. you were not wearing your suit, just pants of some sort (i can't believe i didn't notice) and a button up, the top buttons undone, and brown oxfords. i ended up being happy with what i wore. i had thought about telling you, you better not be late this time vienn. i decided to say it in person so you'd see that i was kidding, though i wasn't. but i was late.
sticky rice was full, which amused me, because i had told you thursday night that i was thai and you invited me to a thai place on saturday night? funny. cute. we had sushi instead. i sat with my back to the open window, which i would almost regret when it rained later. but i did not regret it because if it was you getting wet i would not have known what to say. you asked if i wanted to switch places. i said no, i was fine. they closed the window after anyway. you said you hated rain later. you walked with your arms folded across your chest - "you look like a brat." "i am a brat." we're both only children.
"i fucking hate democrats," you said. i laughed. we go through this all the time anyway. "i hate republicans." we argued about welfare and tax brackets and education. despite this, we do have a lot in common, though you don't
understand gay marriage and i could normally wring your neck but i would
have expected all of that from you anyway. and you were in a frat but you caught me off guard when you told me you hate blondes especially, but all white women. hm. you are my type.
"so do you not drink or what? because i kind of want to get started with some sake bombs." "no, i do drink." i said, and is it the truth now? i do it because it doesn't make a statement to. if i didn't, it would make a statement now. we are adults. i may as well drink alcohol. we toasted to each other, badly because neither one of us knew what to say, and chugged our sake bombs. i asked what you'd been up to all week, i was curious. "when did i last see you, thursday?" you asked. "it feels like much longer than that." i smiled. two days was too long? i was even surprised that you wanted to see me so quickly again. i figured i would have to wait weeks, while you went on with your life, not caring. but you care, don't you? do we have a chance, sweetheart?
we talked for two and a half hours, after the food was long gone. i figured by quick dinner you meant you'd want to stop and grab a bite with me on your way to somewhere else, so i was nervous to be late, to hold you up. maybe that had been your plan but you ended up liking my company more than you imagined? there was nothing quick about our dinner. you wanted to see me afterward.
we left the restaurant after dessert, fried banana and ice cream, i like your taste. we are very similar. i admitted that i didn't like the sushi, because i don't really like sushi, i've never had sushi, i was only being adventurous for you. you wished you would've known, you would've ordered us something different. were you concerned that i did not enjoy myself? i like you. we stood around and tried to decide where to go. you said you had friends out, but i couldn't get into a bar, i suggested that i just go home so you'd have the chance to do whatever you'd like, you told me no, that was lame, i couldn't bail. you wanted to be with me that night.
so i went home with you after. but it was not friday night. you live in the upper east side, we took a taxi. friday night i went to jacob's on the upper west side and took the train. your apartment was much smaller than i imagined it'd be, much smaller than jacob's. the bathroom was like a closet. you had no living room, only a bedroom. so we changed and got into bed together. we watched megamind, your arm around my shoulder and our legs tangled together. we talked about how douchey mitt romney is and you were not offended. you are a decent republican but i do question you sometimes. at the end of the movie we looked at one another and smiled, after idle conversation, you and midgets, you and marshmallows, you and ridiculousness. you are so young for your age. i am so old for mine. you told me you usually date cougars, i am the first girl you've gone out with who is younger than you. jacob said the same thing. but you do not mind it. we fit well together. we have a lot in common.
we talked about mexican food, steak, dessert. you told me about a great mexican brunch place right around the corner from you, margaritas and steak and eggs, you'll have to take me there, you said. but after quality meats. you said earlier that night you wished i would've told you i like steak, you eat it twice or three times a week, where was the best place i've had steak in the city? catch is not very good, i've only been here a month, you have to take me to quality meats. you want to take me out more, so this means we will be seeing more of one another. at least twice a week, maybe three times, if we keep this momentum. i will need to get a fake id to make it easier for me to see you. that still may not make it easier. i am working on it. i want to be with you, i think we have a chance. are we dating?
we kissed for the first time, laying down in your bed, our legs tangled up together, you grabbed my face. i like the way you kiss, without hesitation, with eagerness. do you kiss everyone like that? you started to grab me, and touch me, and i knew i should stop myself but it felt good. you moaned, as did i, we rubbed up against one another. after you grabbed my chest i knew to stop it, raised myself up. you might have thought i was going to dominate you but instead i pulled away. "i don't mean to be a tease," i started, knowing i could not stop my speech after that, but wishing i could. "but i like you, so i don't particularly want to do this right now." i smiled softly, knowing i had made the right decision. we had so much chemistry, but it was only our second date. we'd known each other four days. i like you and i want this to last.
"i understand, and the feeling is mutual. but you are a huge tease." i did not mean to be a tease. i am naive, i did not know that going home with someone meant you'd be expected to. i could have guessed that getting in bed with someone meant as much, but you did not have a couch. what else could i have done? "i should probably go," i said, knowing that i was a tease, and not meaning to be, imagining that i should not stay if i was not going to do that with you. "what, you're leaving?" your concern was genuine, it charmed and melted me. i just touched your face, stroking your beard, not knowing what to say. "it's already like 2 - you don't have to do that. you can just crash here. i'd still rather have you here than not here."
you'd rather have me here? we really are dating, i think. i cannot believe it. i just smiled at you. "and besides, i'm here if you change your mind." i laughed and stroked you more. you're not a douchebag, but you are still a man. we fell asleep, my head on your chest. i tossed and turned to get comfortable all night, sometimes i was hot, i sweated in your clothing. sometimes i would move away from you. you'd come back towards me and kiss my hair. you didn't try to touch me in ways i might not have felt comfortable, you caressed the skin on my arms, held your body over mine. it felt real.
i struggled to get comfortable on your thick pillow. mine are thin, they conform to my face. yours lift me up too high. "these are the fluffiest pillows ever," i said in the middle of the night, after my movement caused you to stir. "did you just say i'm fluffier than my pillows? i'm not fluffy. fuck you," you murmured. "i said absolutely nothing like that." "i'm not fluffy -" "...nothing even remotely resembling that came out of my mouth." we have a playful relationship. you say silly things all the time, i don't know if you were half asleep. even if you were, you would have said it awake. you talked to yourself more that night. sometimes i responded. in the early morning i put on my clothes and sat on the edge of the bed and kissed your face. "i have to go, i'll see you soon." i said. "see you babe." you murmured, not waking up. did you only call me babe because you were half asleep?
i texted you after i showered and got home. that was my first walk of shame. i looked ridiculous in my pencil skirt and wedges at 7 am, at least i had a sweater. the train was hell. "good morning sweetheart, thank you for everything last night. i've resolved that you're only ~25% an asshole (a midget in a moat, what the f, really?) hope you have a wonderful week. xo"
i don't try to start conversation because i do not want to be that 18 year old who lingers after you. i try to seem aloof though i am quickly becoming more and more dedicated to our arrangement. you replied that you had a great with me, though i'm a democrat, though i'm a tease, said you're leaving to atlanta on friday for work and you'd hopefully see me before then? i think this is real. wednesday you want to take me mini golfing. i think we are dating. i can't believe it. you texted me all day, having a real conversation, that was our first time, it flows so easily between us. i told you i'd see you wednesday, that i'm preparing recipes for when you return home and i'll have to cook for you. i want to give you something to look forward to. when we part on wednesday night i'll tell you i'll be ready once you get home. the power lay in the mystery, after all. all weekend i will be on your mind, maybe you'll wish you're not in atlanta. i'm excited to cook for you, i'm glad i have a reason for these things again.
i said i didn't want to date someone right when i got to the city. well, why not? it has been a month. i think i am ready. i think we are dating, i think this is real. i wish i was 21, maybe then we'd have a chance. do we have a chance, sweetheart?