two months ago, you broke my heart. and it didn't take a whole lot.
under other circumstances, i would've expected it. that's how i carry through my life. expecting anyone to hurt me, physically, emotionally, in any given moment.
i cringe when cars drive past because i'm afraid someone toting a gun, an easy getaway, and opportunity will see me as the perfect target for some random act of violence. i cringe when men get near me because i'm afraid someone toting no conscience, an agenda, and opportunity will see me as the perfect woman to fill their bed.
you made me feel like i didn't have to be afraid. in fact, you told me i didn't. you told me you wouldn't break my heart. but you did.
you didn't break my heart because i let you. you broke my heart because you let me down.
so i gave you another chance not to let me down. and you did it again. but this time, it hurt more.
you had the opportunity not to make the same mistake twice, but you made the exact same one. you did the exact same thing. i once had the vision to see that i would be let down. but i didn't care what i knew would happen, because what mattered to me was what could happen. what could've happened would've been great. but it ended up not being possible, after all.
i begged you for weeks to tell me how you could do it, but i don't need you to answer that. i know how. because i was too much, and because you couldn't say that. maybe you wanted it to work - but when it came down to it, you couldn't give me what i wanted. and you couldn't admit that. you couldn't even say sorry.
and that's all i want.
how can i forgive you if you refuse to say you're sorry for breaking my heart, twice, and every day since?
how can i forgive you if you refuse to say you're sorry.
i gave away my joy, and i don't have the strength to take it back.
i see all the meanness in the world reflected in you. i gave you everything. i tried everything. i said everything. my entire heart was in the right place even if you didn't agree with the things i did. i did it all because i cared for you. and i never let you forget that. you told me you cared for me, but your actions didn't show it. how could you be so cruel to me?